Tips For Moving Older Parents

Moving elderly parents is one of life’s more challenging experiences. It requires time, effort, money, and planning. If that’s not enough, it can be emotionally taxing for everyone and stress your relationship with your parents. 

In this article we’ll give you guidance for managing all these challenges and help you recognize when you need to expert help. 

Get Clear on Your “Why”/ Focus on the positive

Before you embark on this journey, it’s helpful to think about why you and your parent(s) have decided to take this step. It’s going to be an arduous one, and when you know your “why” that can help you push through the most difficult parts. 

People in their seventies, eighties, and beyond don’t make the choice to move lightly. These are some of the most common reasons an older person decides to move:

• Their current house has become too much to manage.
• They want to move closer to family.
• They need assistance with activities of daily living (ADLs) such as cleaning, cooking, and self-care.
• They have health conditions that make living on their own unsafe or unhealthy.
• They have become isolated and want to live in a senior community that serves their needs.

Most of these reasons are related to loss in some way—loss of independence, good health, etc. It’s hard not to have these things in mind during the move. At the same time, if you and your parent(s) can focus on how moving will bring about positive changes, you’ll both feel better about the move. 

Some of the positive things a senior move can bring about:

• Spending less time on home maintenance.
• Having more free time.
• Being closer to family.
• Becoming less isolated.
• Accessing elder services more easily.

Your Move is Unique 

Like so many things in life, the experience of moving your parents shares similarities with others’ experiences. At the same time, your move isn’t going to look exactly like anyone else. So many things can affect your move.

Your parent’s overall health. Moving a parent who’s in good health looks different than moving a parent where health issues are a concern. Someone who has good mobility, balance, and strength is able to do more on their own. A parent whose health isn’t as robust is going to need more help. This impacts how quickly things get done.

How your parent feels about moving. The best-case scenario is one where your parent feels good about moving. Count yourself lucky if this is your situation. As we mentioned above, many seniors move due to a negative change of circumstance. 

Your parent may feel angry or sad or depressed about their move. It’s not unusual for seniors to blame their adult children for “making” them move. Senior moves put immense pressure on parent/adult child relationships. These dynamics are hard to deal with and make the move much harder. 

How other family members feel about the move. Sibling relationships can also be stressed when facing a parent’s move. Siblings often argue about who takes on what tasks and whether everyone is pulling their weight. The stress of a senior move can cause old rivalries and animosities to come to the surface. 

Whether you help with caregiving duties. If you or other family members help provide care for your parent—running errands, driving to appointments, managing medications—you may already be tapped out. Caregiving takes a lot of time and patience—both of which can run low. You may find that supervising your parent’s move is more than you can handle. (See below: When to get expert help.)

Create New Rituals During the Move

We’ve highlighted some of the challenges people face during a senior move, but that’s not the whole picture. Families can weather the challenges and grow stronger from the experience. A great way to do this is by creating enjoyable rituals throughout the process of moving. 

Think about things that you and your parent both enjoy. Try to spend some time taking part in activities like watching television, listening to music, or playing card games together. Even something as simple as having a cup of tea as part of your visit can offset the less pleasant parts of moving. These rituals may even be carried over once your parent is settled in their new place.

Also, think about ways to positively process some of the memories you’re sorting together. Don’t make the move all about tossing old stuff. See if you can make it about reclaiming the good stuff that’s been boxed up and out of sight. A pretty photo box can be set aside for favorite photos your parent can keep handy in their new place. Think about other ways that treasured collections can be displayed in the new place—shadow boxes, open shelving, etc.

Find Support During the Process

Even in the best situations, moving a parent is bound to be stressful. It’s important to find support with the practical aspects of moving as well as the emotional one. Keep all of your options open when it comes to finding support. 

Here are some places you may find support and comfort:

• Other family members. Ask family members to take over shifts of packing days. 
• Friends. Friends can accompany you on packing days, grab a cup of coffee with you, or just listen when you need to talk.
• Your doctor. You’ll be under a lot of stress during this move. Your regular doctor should know about any situation that stretches you to your limit. You doctor can help identify if you’re putting your own health at risk.
• A therapist. If you don’t have a mental health therapist, moving your elderly parents may prompt you to seek out their services. Therapists (a lot of whom offer virtual visits) can act as a sounding board, help with stress management, and offer support when you feel overwhelmed.
• Online groups. There are many free online support groups for people who help care for their elderly parents. 

When to Bring in Expert Help

Whether and when hire help with your move is a personal decision. You’re the only one who knows your situation. We can tell you that many people wish they got expert help sooner!

Based on our years of experience in senior move management, we’ve identified some signs that you need expert help:

• You’re overwhelmed with managing your own life and your parents’ move. 
• You’ve been helping your parent with their move for six months or more and you don’t see any progress.
• Your relationship with your parent or your siblings is suffering because of the move.
• Your parent is actively resisting your efforts to help them with the move—making progress even slower.
• You have a timeline for moving that you can’t meet.
• Your own health is suffering. 

How You’ll Feel When You Get Expert Help with Your Senior Move

To sum it up in one world: relieved. If your family has been shouldering the weight of a senior move on its own, bringing in expert help will give you much-needed relief. 

Take every one of the points listed above and flip it around. That will give you a sense of how you’ll feel once you get real help with your senior move.

• You’ll feel less overwhelmed.
• You’ll experience less strife in your family relationships.
• Your parents will stop fighting you, and you’ll see progress in their move.
• You’ll stay on track with your moving schedule.
• You’ll be more able to address your own health needs.

Want to feel better about your loved one’s move? We can help! Contact us to set up a consultation.